Things Kids Say

My daughter just told me she was going to get me new kids, ones that will listen better. Now she's telling Taryn she's gonna get a new mom and move in a new house. I told her to be sure and write!

****Notes From Mom****
"You be nice!" (Luv, Mom)

You're right. That was rude. I should have given her some stationary and self-addresses stamped envelopes.

We're Rich!!!

Okay. First, since James has been deployed, we're supposed to be getting about $225 a month in hostile fire pay. In the 12 months he's been gone we've gotten, oh let's say five months. Second, he was promoted in December, so there's more money the army owes us. Third, he just reenlisted for three years, so there's another nice chunk of cash they owe us. So every day I go online to check for a new Leave and Earnings Statement, the military equivilant of a check stub. AND TODAY THERE WAS A NEW ONE!! Oh boy! So I hurriedly click and click to see how rich we are and BAM! Here's what I see:

It's a little blurry, but I think you can still make out that it says on January 24th they will deposit.... nothing. Thanks guys! After almost 14 months of screwed up pay at least y'all are trying to crank out something!

That Holy Feeling 2

I'm reading the Bible not to gain all of its wisdom at once, but to be familiar with the text as I go back in my studies and.... well, study it. I read the book of Jonah last night, and I had to laugh at this.
Jonah is angry with God because after fleeing from Him, enduring a horrible sea storm, three days inside a whale, a whale vomiting him up onto a shore, travelling to Nineveh and warning them of their impending doom, God decided to spare a wicked people. Hey, they repented, why not be merciful? So Jonah is very angry and he cries out to the Lord basically griping about his long trip for nothing. And in verse 4:4 God looks down and says....
"Do you do well to be angry?"
Can you imagine how speechless Jonah might have been? Evidently he was, because the next few verses say that he walked out of the city and "built a booth for himself." Is that the equivalent of sitting in the corner and pouting? Our God does have a sense of humor, as evidenced here. So next time I make one of my kids mad I'm gonna look at them and say, does it do you well to be angry?
This could go either way. When James gets angry or frustrated: "Does it do you well to be angry?"
Or even for me: "Does it do you well to be angry, Talia?"
Thank you Lord, for such a short but instructional snippet of wisdom!

Survey

Here's one of those nifty surveys mom filled out about me.

Your name: Tamera

Where did we meet: in the hospital

Take a stab at my middle name: uh... Gale

How long have you known me: 22 years, 7 months and roughly 8 days
(I didn't even have to change #'s 2,3 and 4)

Do I smoke: used to; not sure, I think when you get stressed out?

What was your first impression of me upon meeting: okay, what do I do now? (by the way, I did shave)

Do I have any siblings: two (actually I have 4 half siblings)

What's one of my favorite things to do: sleep, eat and read..not sure of the order

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: puh-puh (puppy)

What's my favorite type of music: christian rock (You had rap in you car stereo the other day)

What is the best feature about me: sense of humor..surely you could make money with it

Am I shy or outgoing: which one does apathetic go with?

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: whichever requires less energy

What's your favorite memory of me: You screaming at me "you mean I have to be nice to get stuff?!"
(can't wait 'till Lily figures that out)

Any special talents: writing stories, setting world records for the slowest time to do anything

Would you consider me a friend: yep

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: perky

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring: your pillow

(you nailed mine with Chad)

That was fun. You ought to make up another one.

(Note to mom: I didn't make up the survey, but I could make one up I guess....)

Bedtime Battle

This is what I go through, oh, every night.

Put kids to bed, sing a couple of songs, good night, love you, blah blah blah.....
Go to my room, start nightly Bible study lesson.....
Lily: "Mom!"
-no reply-
"MOM!"
-still no reply-
"MOOOOOM!!"
-nothing- -plop, clunk clunk clunk-
Arrival of darling angel at my doorway: "Mom! I was calling you!!"
"It's time to go to sleep, what do you need?"
"Caleb wants a raspberry!"
"He can have one tomorrow, go to bed."
"But he will cry and I don't like that I get scared!"
"Just ignore him. Go to bed!"
-Caleb starts fake crying-
"See mom? Just get him one raspberry, please!"
"No! It's bedtime! Go to bed!"
"But... but.... he will make me cry!" -starts fake crying-
"I'm gonna about to with something... yeah!"
-sniff- "What?"
"Nothing. Go to bed now, both of you." -now he is up too-
WWAAHHH -stomp stomp stomp-
-quiet talking, something about watching a movie, eating raspberries and drinking chocolate milk in the morning-
"Mom!"
-sigh, put Bible lesson away-
"MOM!"
-crawl under covers-
"MOOOOM!!"
-plop, clunk clunk clunk-
"Mom! Caleb wants... no, that's not it...."
-laughing from me and Taryn-
"Stop laughing at me! Waahhh!"
Taryn: "Lily, what do you want? You need to go to bed!"
"I I I I I I I I I I I'm hungry."
-here comes the other one-
"You should have eaten dinner like you were supposed to. Now go to bed."
"But but but but but....."
"No buts now go to bed guys!"
"But... Can we have a banana? Please"
"One, two, THREE..."
"But, what about one banana?"
"FOOOUUR..."
"Okay, okay! Waaahhh!"
-back to their rooms-
"MOOOM!"
-put pillow over my head-
-both come back to doorway-
"MOOOM!"
Taryn: "Lilith! What do you need?"
"I just want to tell you something this quick." (makes slashing motion through air)
"There's nothing you can tell me that quick."
"Yes, very quickly I can tell you!"
"If it's about a raspberry or a banana, we don't want to hear it."
-muffled laughter from under the covers-
"But, but.... We're hungry!"
"Then go get a frikin banana! Just one that you can share!"
-leaves, comes back with two bananas-
"I said one didn't I? You never listen to me."
-pause- "Yeah."
-more muffled laughter-
-kids eat half banana- smack smack smack smack
-kids hand out banana kisses and hugs, retreat to room-
"MOOOOM!!"
"WHAT DO YOU NEED LILY??"
"Uh.... I forgot."
"Good night Lilith."

****Notes From Mom****

You want a quick remedy? "First one I see or hear gets a spanking!" Then do it. You turned out okay..... (Luv, Mom)

That may be why I twitch at night.....

And I Thought Texans Were Odd....

This past weekend I went with my Aunt Judy to Shreveport, Louisiana to pick up my sister. We left at eight in the morning and talked the whole way about life and politics and stuff. And let me tell you, east Texas has some huge trees! I'm talking three stories tall! And grass, y'all! Real, live, green grass! It does exist! It's pretty!
So we get to Shreveport and we have to stop cause we're both women who have had children and we can't go eighty miles without peeing somewhere. I go inside and there's a line for the bathroom, a man and a woman and me. After standing there for about five minutes, the guy in the men's bathroom comes out and about that time a little old man runs around the corner and rushes into the bathroom ahead of the guy who was waiting. What did the man do? HE FOLLOWED THE OLD MAN INTO THE BATHROOM. A single bathroom, not one with two or three stalls. Then they shut the door! And I'm guessing since neither one came out and the snippet of conversation I unwillingly overheard (something about a lot of water), they peed together! Aaghh! This is not right! Thankfully the women's bathroom freed up pretty quickly, as I felt akward standing there knowing there were two obviously unrelated guys peeing in the same toilet not four feet away from me.
All went well until we had to get to IHOP. We got off at the right exit, observed the restaurant a small distance down the access road, and went straight, only to find ourselves on the interstate again!
"What happened?" Judy says.
"I dunno," I reply.
Two miles and six turns later, we find that to access the access road that IHOP resides on you have to turn right onto another road, then turn left again. Which looks like a straight shot when you're on the first road. Only in Louisiana do you have to turn RIGHT to go STRAIGHT.
So anyway. We eat and go along our merry way. All is well until it starts raining in Dallas. I might want to insert here that my aunt is a slightly erratic driver as it is, and when you add pouring rain, 70 miles and hour and bumper-to-bumper traffic.... I thought I was gonna die. But we made it through. Shopped a little.
We got back into Abilene arount 11p.m. and discovered we were locked out of my aunt's house. After not much debate, we decided not to sleep in the car in the garage because it's cold. So now, road tripped, tired, hungry and frazzled we're trying to find a cheap hotel to stay in. Long story short, we found one and got a good night's sleep.
And that was my vacation!

The Everlasting Poinsettia

I usually have no problem killing plants. I've never had a flower, spice, or vegetable garden flourish. Once, I had an elephant ear plant that grew quite nicely. Then one day it up and died. I don't think I can blame all of my black thumb skills to the West Texas climate. I think I actually have a gift for killing plants.
Or, I did until Christmas.
My Grandma bought me a poinsettia and my first thought was oh boy, another thing to feed and water. But after three weeks, this thing is still alive! I tried the usual forgetting to water it; no go. Then I let the cat maul it; nope. Finally I closed the window shades; the darn thing is still alive!
So I gave up. I watered and pruned it today. It'll probably die tomorrow.

Christmas 2006

Well another Christmas has come and gone, and I'm still alive! Sorry it's taken so long, but here's the run-down of new brain screamer toys:

From Granny: Legos. 80 pieces. But they are big sized and they did come in a bag, so I guess they're ok. Also three guns, two pistols and one shotgun, complete with gun belt and bullets. We've been killing pretend birds since the 25th.

From Nana and Paw Paw: Dora's Enchanted Castle with six rooms, each with no less than five pieces of furniture each. Every room also comes with it's own magic wand, to make something in that room perform some enchanted trick. So there's 36 more pieces, plus Princess Dora, Duke Boots, Queen Mami, Sir Tico and Lady Isa.
Also, Diego's Animal Rescue Treehouse. This comes with a helicopter and a bazillion animals to rescue, and a car with a trailer to carry said animals in, and the ever necessary doll figures.
Oh, I almost forgot! Makeup!! Goopy lip gloss, creamy icky eye shadow, permanent blue nail polish and glitter. Three vials of glitter. Caleb sure looks pretty!

From Paw Paw and Grammy: My heart literally skipped a beat when they unwrapped that Lite Brite. Yes, they still make those and yes, they still come with two thousand teeny tiny colored pegs. It was fun for about, oh, 48 hours. Now it's a "special time" toy.
Next up are the Magnetix, which are magnetic colored pieces with small steel balls. They're kinda like Legos. Those were fun until I found a few in Caleb's diaper. Not through-the-chute in the diaper, but in there none the less. I guess he doesn't want to wait for puberty. (Which brings me to a funny thing that happened today. I caught Caleb being "hands on" with his "part" today. When I told him to put it away he said "But I like it!" Also, yesterday at bath time I caught him with his parts in a Play Doh can.)

I can only blame myself for buying the Play Doh Creativity Table, knowing how anal I am about KEEPING THE DARN COLORS SEPERATE!!

From Aunt Judy: A floor mat layout of roads and train stations and stuff for him to run his cars all over. I liked this present until the kids flipped it over and started picking the foam backing off. Kids just can't take things at face value, no, they have to flip it over and see how it ticks.

All in all, we had a good Christmas. (Where's that bottle of wine?) And the Christmas tree actually made it to the 27th before I couldn't stand it any more.

How Super Is Your Toilet?

Is your toilet good? I mean, really good? Can it handle not only the day to day poop, but also the not so ordinary events? To find out, I've compiled a simple test for you......

1. Unroll one roll of Charmin super ultra comfy toilet tissue. Place in toilet. Flush.
Went down ok? Give yourself 20 points and move on.
Water level rose dangerously close to overflow but then went down ok? Give yourself 10 points and move on.
Standing ankle-deep in water? HA HA HA! Lightweight! 0 points.

2. Pick two ratty dish rags. Flush one right after the other.
Still hanging on? 20 points.
Almost ran for the towels? 10 points.
Already out of towels? 0 points.

3. Eight Magnetix pieces and five Legos. Drop and flush.
Feeling confident, huh? 20 points.
Heart fluttered, 10 points.
Ran for mop immediatley, 0 points.

4. Four crayons and three super plus tampons, whole, not broken up!
Cheering your toilet on, 20 points.
Pleading for everything to go down, 10 points.
Why are you still trying? 0 points.

5. And now the grand finale.... tell your 2 year old to go get an object, any object, and flush it. No "pre-approving" of objects!
Didn't even gurgle, 20 points.
Made an odd noise, 10 points.
Exploded, 0 points.

Add up your points.....
100: Perfect score!! You have a super toilet!
90-50: You're doing good! Keep it up!
40-0: Keep experimenting, you'll get there!