Flute Flop

My brother-in-law bought both my kids play flutes.

"Mom!! Hey Mom!! Listen to this!!"

TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTT!!!

"Yeah."

"Mom! Hey Mom!! Listen to this one, it sounds like a girl screaming!!"

TWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTT!!!!

"It sure does."

"Mom! Hey Mom!! Where are you going?"

"To hide in the bathroom."

Guess what his kids' first birthday present is gonna be? A WHOLE FREAKING DRUM SET.

Sugar And Spice And Everything Nice

On Wednesday I had the privilege to babysit my cousins kids, Ana and Olivia. I didn't get to sit the baby because I don't have the active milk buckets that he requires. Oh well. Granny came over and we had a really great time. We braved Wal-Mart and "Old McDonald's" without too many close calls (Granny did come close to running into the laptop display when Ana and Lily started to argue over whose turn it was to drive her wheelchair). It was especially funny when Lily played the mom, Ana was the big sister and Olivia was "the crazy little sister." Apparently Olivia has this thing for breaking her leg, or both if she can manage. She tried to accomplish this both on the trampoline and on her tricycle, where she would make a couple of laps around the parked cars, stop and very obviously make herself fall over. Then she would sigh, get up and do it again.

"Olivia, what are you doing?"

--big sigh--

"I am TRYING to BREAK my LEGS."

"Why would you want to do that?"

--sigh--

"So they will have to CARRY me."

Um, okay. Someone's mommy needs to start a blog!!

Baby Whats?!

I watched a show recently called "Baby Borrowers." I didn't know if I should laugh or be angry. They select four young couples and give them different aged kids to pseudo-raise for a week while the real parents watch via camcorder across the street. Then they give them elderly adults to care for! I didn't get to see that part, but I wish I could have. NO ONE will have the elderly adult that my mom will be (sorry Ma!). But what I did see of the show kind of irked me because they didn't accurately portray living as young parents in the real world. For instance:

• The couples are given a cute three bedroom, two bath home in a green-grassed cul-de-sac that probably has little crime if any to play house in. C'mon, seriously? Try having them get their own apartment on minimum wage.
• Speaking of minimum wage, they provide them with a job that at least one of them has to work at for eight hours a day. One person working? Not outside of Kansas, Dorothy. Give them a Classifieds and the numbers to a few daycare centers. They'll both need to be working to raise their kid!
• Let them earn only $440 a week and figure out what to do when the bills start to pile up.
• They, like, fight, oh my gosh, about who has to go to work that day! Please!
• One young woman threw a fit because the producers made all the women wear maternity outfits that make them look and feel pregnant. She claimed she just "looked so ugly!" in it. Woo hoo, Dorothy. That's what happens when you get knocked up.
• One woman complained that the child they were given to "raise" cried too much. "He like, never stops crying! Oh my gosh!!" Good grief.
• Another woman didn't wipe the child when she changed his diaper, and another had to try and potty train another. "I swear, if he like poos in his underwear ONE MORE TIME, I'm gonna, like, be mad!" Gosh, one more time? Try twice a day for four years.
• "Like, you're always gone working all day and I have to sit at home and do all this mother stuff, and I like get tired too!" This is hilarious!
• The couple only get to "raise" the child for one week, then it's off to the next age group. Um, isn't this supposed to be a reality show? Give them children in the same age group for a whole month. That will determine"if they're up for parenthood."
• I didn't get to see the elderly people care-taking, but I'm sure it went something like "Oh. My. Gosh. Granny just peed herself again! Like, if John doesn't come home soon I'm gonna, like, scream and be angry! Aaahhh!"

Grandfather's Stories

A weekend or so ago Zac and I went with the kids to visit my paternal grandfather and aunt. We had a lot of fun catching chickens, picking peaches and pears, eating homemade tomatoes and squash and listening to stories my grandfather told. I've always enjoyed his stories ever since I was little, from how he and his neighbor blew up a groundhog hole with dynamite to the parrot who would drink beer and cuss. I can guarantee not many people have stories like his! It's amazing what you can learn from your relatives just by listening to them. You learn to appreciate what you have and stop complaining about what you don't. What amazes me is my grandfather is in his 60's and rides his bike five miles a day! I also like the down-home cooking my relatives make: fresh vegetables from the garden, barbecue pork chops... yum yum! I think Caleb liked it a little too much because on the way home he puked all over Zac's back seat. If that isn't gag-inducing enough, he raked it out with his hand!! Yuck!!

The time spent with my grandfather got me to thinking... if he can ride a bike that far in hundred degree heat at his age, why am I groaning about walking one mile at my age? So I have made an effort to get myself in shape. I've actually gone from a size 18 to a 16! The Tae Bo I started a few weeks ago didn't work out because I started getting back pains again, so it's back to the old Pilates, yoga and lots of praying. I'll keep you updated!

What's Italian For Goodbye?

My brother Zac and his family are en-route to Italy right now. Lucky them. Everyone wish them a happy four years!!

Speaking of leaving, James called this last weekend and said that he could leave camp, so we all piled in the Suburban and headed to Austin. We got to spend a little bit of time with him; the "higher ups" kept changing the times around and it was really frustrating, but I'm really glad we went. Of course we had to do the whole goodbye thing again and that's never easy, but I can do it if it means sex for one night. I'll look back on this post in six months and say to myself, Hardy har har.

I have also enrolled for online college courses this semester, and got a Pell Grant to pay for everything including a new laptop! I'm taking Psychology 1, Government 1, BCIS 1 and English 1. I'm so excited I went and bought book covers and folders that are color coordinated for each subject.

I'm still editing my script and with college starting on the 25th you may not see many blogs, but I'll try! Meanwhile if you like my blog, tell your friends!!

The He-Child Discovers

Caleb and I are in the bathroom today; I am wiping, he is carefully observing the floor. Or so I thought.

"Mom? What are these things for?"

-- holding his scrotum --

"Uh, well, that's what makes you a man."

"Why?"

"Well, because girls don't have those."

-- still manhandling his manhood --

"What are these balls?"

"Uh, those are just part of you."

"Why do they feel like balls?"

"Because they're kind of like marbles."

"Are they green?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Ok."

Where is James when I need him? Oh yeah, in the sandbox.

On a similar note, the dog bit Caleb on the buttcheek a couple of days ago. The dog has since been neutered. I can just imagine what's going through his head:

"Bite butt, snip balls. Bite butt again, snip... aahhh!!"