School

FINAL GRADES (ESTIMATES)

Remedial Math: 90's
Business: 80's
Speech: 90's
Economics: some negative number

So I still don't know what I want to be when I finish school or what I generally want to accomplish in life. Besides raising two decent Christian kids and keeping the husband from an early death by anxiety. But whatever. I'm still praying about it!!!

Christmas 2010

Everyone is getting homemade gifts this year.

That's all I have to say.

But... When Do I Get Help Losing Weight???

My cat is bulimic.
My daughter is anorexic.
And I'm peeved.

As of late Hal has had a propensity to barf abnormally large amounts of food an abnormal number of times. The first time he was also running a fever and received antibiotics. This time I think he'll be okay. Well, according to my checkbook he BETTER be okay.

Lily was recently diagnosed with ADD-I (thanks, sperm donor...) and started taking Vyvanse on Wednesday. In case you're too lazy to follow the link, it is an amphetamine. Meaning that while she is able to concentrate better in school and get her work done, she also obsessively cleans her room at 11 p.m. No joke. Also, she comes home from school with intricately drawn pictures of stockings hanging from a fireplace. She has also lost much of her appetite, meaning I have to force her to eat.
Lovely.

Meanwhile.... I have lost a little weight thanks to GOD ALMIGHTY and His strength that He gives me to jog on the treadmill. I am so thankful!! I just need a little more patience....

All I Want For Christmas Is My Sanity-- Obama, healthcare, Black Friday deals, Sarah Palin

The above title is meant to increase the traffic on this blog.
We'll see if it works.
So. Thanksgiving has come and gone, and so has Black Friday. UGH. Who wants to camp out in sub-zero degree weather for a stupid I-Phone?
NOT ME.
I would rather stay in my nice warm bed and be thankful for what I have.

Why I Do't Think I'll Ever Get A Ticket From My Husband

**Beee-WOOOP**
"Good evening ma'am, I'm with the SAPD and I pulled you over for-"
"Seriously? We're gonna do this? I have to get home and deal with your children."
"As I was saying ma'am, I pulled you over for going 37 in a 35 m.p.h. lane."
--stare--
"FINE. I'll play but only because you're cute in your uniform."
"License and registration, please."
"Oh, okay. Um... here you go, OFFICER."
....
"You gonna run me for warrants, too?"
"Do I need to, ma'am?"
"L.O.L."
"Luckily you came back clean."
"Geez, that's great!"
"But I'm afraid I will be writing you a citation for speeding."
"Is your supervisor in the car or something?"
--stare--
"Are you SERIOUS?!!"
"As a heart attack, ma'am."
"You know speeding tickets are expensive and I don't have a job right? My HUSBAND makes all the money."
"I'm sorry for your situation, ma'am."
--stare--
"Oh well. I guess my husband won't be getting that new "Bloody Gory Cuss-Wordy War of the Universe Big Gun and Noise" X-Box 360 game."
..........
"Have a nice day, ma'am."

McDonald's

I have come to find out that having a daily exercise routine makes me seriously crave sodium and fat. Namely, a Big Mac and fries.
So today the kids and I went to McD's to partake of their horribly nutritionally defunct food-ish products. The kids were excited because they are touting their annual Monopoly scheme and the kids WERE GONNA WIN BIG.
I arrive from the counter with out trans fats and meat byproducts and Caleb grabs his apple slices (ok, so there was ONE healthy thing there). He then proceeds to SQUEEZE THE BAG UNTIL IT POPS. Like a GUNSHOT.
I swear I heard the whole McDonald operation slow just for a moment.
Heaven knows it got noticeably quieter, if only for a few seconds.
A few, LOOOONG seconds.
I didn't turn around, but judging from the speed of which Caleb dove under the table, I'm pretty sure all patrons were looking at us. I just hung my head and let the moments pass, and operations returned to normal.

I'm glad McD's doesn't have security.

Update On Life

Okay so, what have I been doing whilst NOT blogging?

• I have really been depending on GOD to help me exercise and become healthier. I guess I came to the end of myself and had the realization that my way is the fat way. So every day it is my goal to spend some time in the Word and then use that spiritual fuel to do my workouts. So far, so good! The only falls off the wagon are due to my own unfaithfulness. And the stomach bug. Ugh.
  
  
• James is a for-real police officer now and I guess that makes me a for-real PO's wife. As in I get to hear him tell me about his night at three a.m. (groggy, "Wha???") and learning to speak in 10-code because he forgets I am a civilian.
  
  
• Lily may have ADD-I, which means she cannot keep her attention on one thing for any significant amount of HEY IS THAT A DEAD SNAKE?!!! IT'S A DEAD SNAKE!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT SNAKES IN SCIENCE CLASS?!!
  
  
• After much heart-searching, prayers and 6 years of trial and error, I have come to the realization that my son's brain is possibly affected by his parent's bad genes. As in, I ask him to draw his feelings and he comes up with storm clouds, lightning, rain and BOOM BOOM BOOM across the bottom of the notebook paper. But other days it's a little boy sliding down a rainbow screaming "WEEEEE!!!" So I have given him a feelings journal for him to express himself. Before he was expressing himself in various negative ways, thereby getting him into trouble and causing him to be more angry, etc.
  
  
• My sister got a new car and I didn't. *pouty face*
  
  
• This semester I am taking speech, remedial math, macroeconomics and principles of business. Speech is interesting, there are 35 students, 4 of which are over the age of 22. Math is coming along good. Business is simple. But Macro? Holy cow!! Do you know how to calculate our national savings, a.k.a how much we as a nation save?
  
  Y= C + I + G + NX
  where
  Y= production or aggregate income
  C= consumption
  G= government spending
  NX= don't know what it stands for but it's zero because we are in deficit.
  
  OH. And there's a T and a PV and a PS in there but I can't remember where they go so that's how I'm gonna fail Macroeconomics.
  
  
• I joined a thing where you are paid to review books on Amazon but it turns out that they don't have the most stellar reputation for payments...
  
  
• Lily is in Girl Scouts and Caleb is in Boy Scouts and since James is an officer they will all be in the Veteran's Day parade and I guess I'll stand on the sidelines like a dumba$$ by myself.
  
  
• My cousin's two year old SHAKES YOUR HAND when you greet him. And I think he says "Vote for Ike" on occasion. Not sure though.
  
  
• Little bro is still in Italy *pouty face* and nephews, who are here, are busy tossing upper respiratory infections back and forth.
  
  
  And that's all I can think of!!
  

YAY!! A New Post!!

• Greek yogurt SUCKS!!! It tastes like goat!!! And I've never had goat!!!
  
  
• The stomach virus SUCKS!!! And no one will come over and let me give it to them!!
  
  
• Kids and husbands SUCK!!! They didn't get the stomach bug!!!
  
  
• Driving across town 12 times a week SUCKS!!!!
  
  
• Having to write a speech about something that totally doesn't interest you SUCKS!!!
  
  
• Make-up SUCKS!!!!
  
  
• Fruit that makes my mouth itch and my lips swell SUCK!!!
  
  
• Never seeming to find the time to blog SUCKS!!!
  
  
• Christmas shopping SUCKS!!!!
  
  
• People who update their Facebook 1,498 times a day SUCK!!!
  
  
• Getting really into a blog and finding out that they only write every other month, and then remembering I have a blog that hasn't been updated in forever SUCKS!!!!
  
  
• I can't think of anything else right now!!!!

I'll Be Back

Lemme think of some stuff to blog about.
Then I'll be back.

Spring Broke

So, it's spring break again.
UGH.
And somehow there are even MORE kids at my house than I planned....
.... I planned for zero.
But that's okay.
I'm only babysitting one kid for about three hours a day this week, my nephews (SQUEE!!) are awesomely good, and my step-nieces are cool too. The average age of my peers this week will be five.
Oh boy.
At least I pawned the Panther over to Nana's for a while.
He's another kid altogether.
Strangely, more needy and more attention hungry.
But he purrs. And it makes it all okay.

Big News!

JAMES GOT HIRED ONTO THE LOCAL POLICE FORCE!!!

YAY!!
**does a happy dance**
On another note, I will no longer be babysitting one of the chimps.
**does a happy dance**
Oh.
Right.
I mean *sigh.*
But seriously, it turns out that I can't hack a daily taking-care-of-someone's-child thing without it cutting into my family life. Like, I get tired of keeping him out of everything and trying to put up with his endless defiant attitude. It makes me a mean person.
And a lazy person.
Instead of one night a week that we get take-out, we have one night a week that we eat at home. UGH. There are just some children that no matter what you do, if there is no discipline at home a babysitter's job is going to be darn near impossible. The babysitter cannot be the sole disciplinarian in a child's life.
And I'm not talking about smacking him around all the time. I'm talking about trying to be in public without being hit in the face and spit at, or trying to keep him from bludgeoning the other children, or simply obeying certain rules (we don't reach over the kitchen counter and grab objects... like knives). And yes, an eighteen month old CAN back talk.
So after much thought I've come to the conclusion that a babysitter's job is to provide a safe environment for a child, meet his or her needs in an appropriate and timely manner, and MAINTAIN the discipline and character that the parents have begun to nurture in their home. Maintain, not create AND maintain to only be undone over the weekend.
So while he has his charms and is insanely cute, I must relinquish this assignment to his original owners.

Back to Basics

Blogger says that the last time I blogged was November 24, 2009.

You see, I have been debating over and over the issue of blogging. I have been blogging for some three years now and while I like to write and my family likes to read, blogging has obviously been on the back burner for quite a while.
For starters I've been busy with two chimps,

two orangutans,


a gorilla

and a panther. I am a bonafide zoo keeper now a days. Babysitting two 1 year old's can definitely make you feel as if your house is being overrun with primates, and the 5 year old and 8 year old just add to the mix. In a lovely way because, as Aaron would say, children are somehow more tolerable in herds. But there are some advantages, such as the chimps poop at the same time (must be a smell trigger thing), sleep at the same time, and eat at the same time.
And then there is the gorilla.
You may already know that I am referring to my husband.
The head honcho, the growl-and-get-it-done, almost graduated gorilla. Hair and all.
Simple to maintain and easy to love, he is still a lot of work!!
Wives know what I mean.
And then there is the panther.
I've always wanted a loving pet but HOLY COW. This animal is NEEDY. He wakes me up around 6 every morning... to be held. Seriously.
He's all up in my face, meowing, pawing, biting and suffocating until I get up. Then I feed and water him and guess what? That's not what he wanted. Now he's following me and tripping me up until I literally bend down and pick him up. Then we cuddle and purr and love on each other and then he goes on about his feline way.
The only problem is he wants purr time seven times a day.
Egads!
The gorilla doesn't even get purr time seven times a day!
But I love him just the same.
Usually not when I'm cleaning out the litter box though. This cat has talent in a rectal way. Let's just say I've been cleaning walls.
And then....
MY NEPHEWS ARE HOME!!!!


Who would seriously deny these two handsome boys to sit at a computer and blog?
I shall call them.... the two capuchin, or Caps for short. Not because they look alike (they don't), but because the capuchin are one of the smartest, loudest and mobile primates.
And then there is me, the zookeeper.
I shall not post a picture of the zookeeper, since they are a circumspect species and I couldn't locate an awesome picture of me. But I have been busy maintaining the main zoo (minus the Caps), which means mainly feeding, cleaning, homework, and mediating arguments.
Throw in Granny's 80th birthday party, Girl Scouts, parent/teacher conferences and a lot of sleep and I've been a busy bee.
Oh.
And I'm thinking about going back to school.
Alas, I realize this blog has not been updated very regularly, but in between diaper changes and cleaning guns and wiping up lip gloss from the carpet, I'll try to blog more.
Adios!!!