Taboo Woof

Ok.

So apparently, people around the world have some fetishes and or rituals that I had NO IDEA existed. And of course, Americans made a television series about it. Followers, I present to you...

TABOO on the National Geographic Channel!

Umm... Woof?

The picture is a link too, for all you inquisitive types.

For those who don't care to take the jump, Taboo covers topics that are.... wait for it.... taboo. Like, drug use, bizarre burial rituals, crazy kids, etc. 

And then there's an episode entitled "Private Passions."

Yeah. That's a dominatrix chick totally walking a human being LIKE A DOG because "Tyke" likes to be a DOG for most of his daily life.

Uhh huh.

So Tyke (who is a female) dresses up in leather clothes and that leather... mask.... thing... and crawls around on all fours in their apartment. She also eats out of a dog bowl, sleeps in a cage and chases balls. In watching the show, though, I never heard her bark or see her take a crap outside.

People.... WHY?!!

I think she mentioned that being a dog made her feel safe or something?

And her owner, or whatever she is, is totally down for all of it, because I think she is a closet dominatrix. For real. She makes comments about how they met and what kind of arrangement they have, which just gets weirder and weirder. 

So yeah. I'm sitting on the couch, mouth agape, flabbergasted out of my mind, and here come my kids. Of course!

Now, the episode was about half over, and the two do not have a sexual relationship, and I always encourage my kids to learn about different people, cultures, etc. So I let them watch the rest of it with me. When it was over, the questions began...

"MOM!! WHY does she want to be a PUPPY?"

"Where did she get that mask thing?"

"Can she BREATHE in it?"

"Why does she sleep in a cage?"

"Is her owner nice to her?"

And... wait for it....

"CAN I BE A DOG FOR THE REST OF THE DAY?!"

That came from the He-Child. Before you even ask, yes, he was a puppy for the rest of the day. And the next day. AND THE NEXT.

His name was Spot.

I did not buy him a leather muzzle.

I had to address him as Spot, and he answered me in bark. I petted him but did not let him eat from a dog bowl. And yes, he used the human facilities and not the back yard because yeah I will encourage my kids to explore stuff but not LIKE THAT. 

So he was a puppy for a couple of days.

And I'm hooked on a new t.v. show.....

*All photos courtesy of National Geographic blah blah blah They're not mine.*

Jaxxon Blaze

New nephew!!

Born 07.31.2012

ISN'T HE THE CUTEST MOST UN-EXCITED LOOKING BABY EVER?!!

WAIT WAIT!!

Here's another adorable picture!!

The Potty Parrot

So my dad bought a house and is in the process of updating stuff around the place.

Making it his own, like any new home owner would do.

Very much his own.

If you have the privilege of using the facilities in his home, you will be greeted by the Potty Parrot: 

Yes, that is a Macaw wearing a beer box hat (representing his brand, yo). 

Now I don't know where he got the damned thing.

Or exactly how he snuck it past his girlfriend and into the bathroom.

Or how he made the damn hat that says "I've got your back, dude!" or something to that affect.

But if you're one of those people who tend to need a good twenty minutes per sit down, I would take care of business before heading over to Dad's.

Unless you like a colorful, silent, alcoholic bird staring at you while you do your biz.

Not that he is a horrible potty partner.

Just a little unnerving is all.

Pug

So.

We decided to get a pug.

We named her China.

And no one told us that adopting a pug is very much like adopting a two year old.

Pugs are very curious, i.e. you will need to elevate your kitchen trash can from day one. This also means that your pencils, remote controls, fishing lures and other various items are no longer safe, because pugs are curious about how things TASTE. They are especially fond of candy:

Yes. She is holding a Dum Dum and licking it.

Pugs are also very fond of different textures, like mud:

Also, it is a very little known fact that pugs actually evolved from birds. They like to perch:

They also gain weight around their middle like I do. 

Another little known fact: they have a tiny bit of sloth in their DNA. They apparently require an extraordinary amount of sleep, and they will literally fall asleep wherever they are:

Fun Fact number 877: PUGS ARE LOUD.

They FART they SNORE they SNORT they WHINE they CHUFF they make other undefinable noises.

ALL. THE. TIME.

You can Google a sound byte, it's a little late for me.

But aside from all of these little things, she is absolutely great with the kids, very patient and takes household changes very well.

We love our pug!