Alejandra's Adventure

So my in-laws, my kids and I went to a Mexican restaurant for Mother's Day. It goes good until we sit down, then Caleb throws a fit because he doesn't want to sit in the high chair. He screams NO and PA PA and kicks until I, not being able to stand the other people's eyes boring into me, take him outside. We have a talk and he calms down. We go back inside. We sit. Now he wants a gum ball from the vending machine we passed. I tell him no. He screams. Lily joins in because she wants one too. Now I have two screaming children. So my father in law, James, goes and buys them one each.
Caleb wants red, not orange, and Lily wants orange, not red. So after more screeching they switch. My mother in law, Jeannette, is afraid Caleb will choke on the gum ball, so she bites it in half and all hell breaks loose. All I can hear amidst the commotion is "Nana" and "No" and "bite" and "ball." After numerous threats he calms down and decides he'd rather have a chip anyway.
This gives the waitress, who's been patiently waiting at a safe distance, a chance to take our orders. Jeannette gives Caleb a chip, which she doesn't break into small pieces cause if she's like me she's thinking if he chokes at least he'll be quiet for a little bit. He screams for dip. We hand him the white Ranch sauce stuff, but he makes it known he wants hot sauce and won't take no for an answer. So I give it to him (I know, but it's called tough love for a reason).
He makes a funny face, turns red and starts screaming again. I'm laughing. People are staring and I'm sure a couple were calling the operator trying to find out the local CPS phone number. Half a cup of Sprite later he's ok, and the in-laws have quit freaking out too. The food arrives, and we enjoy a bittersweet five minutes of silence.
I'm glad I eat fast because as soon as I finished Caleb was ready to leave. Lily had crawled under the table. I fished her out while James tried to console Caleb, unsuccessfully. Lily pouts and Caleb continues protesting. James gets up and buys them a little toy. Lily likes hers, Caleb doesn't like his. Screaming. Crying. A new toy. Less hair on my head. Lily gets up and jogs around the restaurant. Finally I take both of them outside, where they roam around and yell at each other until James and Jeannette finish eating. Then we leave.
Can anyone tell me where the OFF switch on a two and four year old are? I seem to have misplaced my manual....