The Biggies

The way I see it, there are seven major questions a child can ask a parent (so far).

1. Where do babies come from?
2. What is sex? (and all related questions including anatomy)
3. Who is God and why are your beliefs about Him true?
4. What happens when you die?
5. Why do you have to discipline me?
6. Why are drugs, smoking and drinking bad for me?
7. What does it mean to be gay or lesbian?
   

Babies and Birth and Aunts, Oh My!!

I fear that the subject of conversation that I have been dreading between my daughter and I may be approaching. Deep breath.
Caleb recently asked one of the Biggies: "Mom, where do babies come from?"
*groan*
"Babies come from God."
"Oh. How does God get them there?"
"When the time is right for two people to have a baby He gives them one."
"How does the baby get in the mommy's tummy?"
"God puts it there."
Lily: "But how?"
"God puts it there."
"But HOW?"
"He just does."
"But Mom, HOW does He get it in there?"
"God is God and He can do anything. It's easy for him."
"Really?"
"Yeah."

*silence*

"How does the baby come out?"
Caleb: "The doctor cuts open your stomach and pulls it out!"
"Really Mom?"
"Sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
*crap*
"Yeah."
"What do they do the other times?"
"There's another way but we'll talk about it when you get older."
"Okay."
*whew!*

Today we traveled to Lily's paternal aunt's house and of course, like any other five minute or longer car ride, they start asking questions. Why they wait until we're in the car I have no idea.
"Mom, where are we going?"
"To Aunt Melissa's house."
"Where?"
"To Aunt Melissa's."
"AUNT Melissa?"
"Yeah."
"AUNT?"
"Uh... yeah."
"Like an aunt like Taryn?"
*groan*
"Um, kind of. Yeah."
"Oh. Okay."

While we were at Mimi's I also had the pleasure of trying to explain how Adam and Eve were made out of dust, but we are not. I also attempted to explain how the devil came to be, why God killed all the dinosaurs with a big asteroid, was it an asteroid or a volcano, were some dinosaurs nice, what heaven will be like and where the Bible came from. I still would rather tackle those questions than the approaching one, though.

Christmas 2008

It's that time of year again.
Christmas.
Not much bah humbug-ing this year. Just when excessive Christmas music was playing. Grr.
Christmases during deployments are always a little sad, but it helps to remember this is God's plan for us and we should be thankful for the blessings He has given us. So without further ado, here's the rundown of presents we received.

• Girl Gourmet Cupcake Maker: I have been wanting to try this out since we bought it on Black Friday. The commercial claims you can actually bake a cupcake, in the microwave, in 30 seconds. NO WAY. Then you frost it with this handy frosting thing that twirls so the frosted cupcake looks all twirly and stuff. So we get it out and set it up. I mix the cupcake batter and put it into the cooker thing. AND IT WORKED!! It was actually baked! Which makes me wonder what they put in there to accomplish that...on to the frosting. I mix it up and fill the tube with this Pepto-Bismol pink gunk. Then the tip falls off and I now have this crap in my lap. Eewww. So we try again and get the frosting on there but it came out of the tube too fast so it kinda just looks like a tropical bird crapped on the cupcake.
  
  
• Easy Bake Oven: We haven't tried this one yet, but I can't wait!!
  
  
• Pixos: This is another one of those wonder-how-it-works toys. Apparently you use the special pen to place plastic balls on a tray in a design. Then you spray it with water and it stays forever. So we follow the instructions and spray away. It's been seven hours and the designs are gummy and partially stuck together. I don't think this one will be around long.
  
  
• Operation, Connect Four, Sorry! Sliders, and Rhino Rampage.
  
  
• Nerf Powerball Blaster: My favorite. You pump it up to get it to the maximum blasting power and fire foam balls at whoever happens to be passing by. It also makes this weird screaming noise when you pump it that gets louder the more you do it.
  
  
• Diego Triceratops Mountain Thing: This one is going back to Wal-Mart because it's missing a piece.
  
  
• Play Doh: I never learn my lesson.
  
  
• 100 Building Blocks: Ditto here.
  
  
• Fire Truck, G.I. Joe, telescope, binoculars, candy, candy and more candy.
  
  
• A forty billion piece jewelry making set.
  
  
• A dinosaur race track. Who thinks up of this stuff?
  

Now for what I got.

• Honey with Tangerine from Italy!!
  
  
• A purse from Italy!!
  
  
• Chocolate from Italy!! By the way, Italian chocolate has about ten times more fat than American chocolate.
  
  
• Stress relieving body wash, a scarf and fuzzy socks.
  
  
• Two cool T-shirts.
  
  
• A neat picture frame that says "Life... makes the best story" on it.
  
  
• Home made candy.
  

All in all not a bad turnout, present wise and family gathering wise. If I eat any more saturated fat I think I will seriously blow an artery.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE ! ! !

How To Wrap Christmas Presents

Square Present

1. Pick the present that you would like to wrap and appropriate wrapping paper.
   
2. Roll out four feet of paper, place present towards the bottom.
   
3. Measure paper to make sure it will still cover the present after you have cut off the access.
4. Measure twice, cut once.
5. Screwed up anyway, decide to still use the now too short piece of paper.
6. Bring two sides of paper together over gift, ignoring for now the gap between paper.
7. Look for tape.
8. Leave table to find tape.
9. Find tape, return to table.
10. Repeat step 6.
11. Tape paper to present.
12. Turn sideways and contemplate how to fold paper to cover the end and still look decent.
13. Make creases at corners, fold down three times and hold with both hands while you get tape with teeth. Or feet.
14. Wrangle tape onto paper.
    
15. Rip off tape, repeat steps 13-14.
16. Repeat on opposite side of present.
17. Cut a strip of paper from the access to cover gap on present.
18. Place with tape. Hint: If you make sure the design on the paper matches up with the strip, they'll never know!
19. Chase down kids to bring bows back to the table. Affix accordingly.
20. Forget what the present was, tear a small hole at the corner of present and try to decipher contents.
21. Place additional bow over hole in paper.
22. Affix name tag.

Cylindrical Present

1. Follow steps one through four from above.
2. On sides, cut out a square from the paper to make folding down easier.
3. Realize you may have actually need what you just cut off.
4. Roll ends to present and tape.
5. Decide that looks like crap and undo tape.
6. Origami your way to a decent looking fixture and cover mess with a bow, on both sides if need be.
7. Alternative: Roll present up like a burrito and circle tape around present lengthwise.
   
8. Affix name tape.

Round Present

1. Follow step one from above.
2. Tape one end of paper to the object.
3. Roll object across table, taping as the paper naturally comes together. May require several pieces of tape.
4. Affix bows as needed.
5. Don't forget the name tape.

Triangular/Pentagonal/Rhombus Presents

1. Crap, I don't know.

FINAL STEP: Sheepishly sneak presents under tree. Try not to be seen.

Thanksgiving 2008

So like, blogging is a lot harder than you think.
Just thought I would throw that out there.
But I still like doing it.
Anyway.
Thanksgiving 2008 was really cool. Let's see if I can remember everything that happened. The first gathering we attended, we went to my uncle's for a feast where we visited with many relatives. The kids also built a tee pee. It was very nice! We had all of the usual eats and then some. Our second gathering was at my aunt's place where we had killer BBQ and home made desserts. Yum! Grandpa also told more "on the farm" stories. He cracks me up. Oh, and I also saw a dead body on the side of the road. No joke. Apparently she was hit in the middle of the night by some dude "reaching for his spit cup" and we happened to pass just as the police were showing up. That was freaky. Other than that the holidays were pretty normal for this family.

My Name Is Talia

This is the blog I submitted to So, How Was Your Day?
-----

Some would say I am living the American dream. I'm a stay at home mom married to a wonderful husband with a beautiful daughter and adorable son. We make decent money, get along with each other's parent's, and have a cat named Phoebe.
I wake up at 6:55 a.m. and dread the chill of winter that creeps into the house. The kids wake up soon after, and I hustle them into clothes and infront of cereal. My coffee is brewing and I silently say good morning to my husband.
He's not here, you see.
He is in Iraq.
We are a military family.
Nothing like you see on television, thank the Lord.
We're just a normal, everyday family with a long distance father.
The kids are off to school and I drive to the post office. I'm mailing a package to my soldier. The clerk's face immediatly changes as soon as she sees the "APO,AE" on the mailing label. "Oh my goodness, how do you stand him being over there? Aren't you scared? Bless your heart!" I smile and take my change.
I don't want your pity.
I am no different than the thousands of other women who had to say goodbye to their husbands.
We chose this lifestyle, he and I.
He chose to defend our country and I chose to support him.
My online classes have closed for the semester, so my day is free. I visit the library, Wal-Mart and grocery store. Online Christmas shopping is cut short when the kids come stomping in the door, demanding a snack.
Cleaning, feeding, homework, bathing, pajamas, story time. The lights are off and my day has ended.
The nights are a little colder without my soldier beside me. Discipline in the house is a little less effective without my soldier. Dinner is filled with kid-friendly food without my soldier.
But somewhere my soldier is making a difference.
I don't hope for his return. I eagerly anticipate it.
I am not remarkable.
I am not even special.
I am just doing what millions have done since America became a country.
Loving my soldier.

Final Grades

BCIS: A

Psychology: A

English I: B

Government: A

**does victory dance**

One Step Forward

For the past few months I have been trying to think of the most humorous way to kill myself.

(Figuratively.)

Then it hit me as I was walking through Wal-Mart (doesn't it always?): a treadmill.

Oh, what we will spend on the pursuit of health.

$277.85 plus tax to be exact.

So we get it in the house and set it up and I can't even try it out because of my kids.

"But MOM, we learned about exercise today in school and you're SUPPOSED to DO IT!"

Ugh.

So I made the "sacrifice" and let them exercise first.

They loved it.

Now I have to mediate between the two not only who gets to watch their television show first, who gets on the computer first, and who gets to freaking fart first, but also who gets to run on the treadmill first.

But today I actually got on it.

Let me be the first to say that walking on a treadmill is NOTHING like walking on concrete.

But it's also not like walking on those conveyor belts at the airport either. (Whew. Those things are a DOOZY, especially when you're running on them. Even walking on them I have to keep my eyes on my feet and watch for the end of the belt, but even then it sneaks up on you and you're the only idiot tripping off the thing and trying to play it off as something you MEANT to do.)

So I turn it on and reduce the speed to 2 m.p.h. (don't want to overdo it) and start to walk.

Rather, I start to do something akin to walking but not quite.

I call it the Frankenstein stomp.

You know when you're drunk off yourself and to successfully walk to the bathroom you have to look at your feet and WILL them to move, only your legs are suddenly ten times heavier than they physically should be and you wind up jerking your foot up and stomping it back down, only going forward a few inches?

I did that for seven minutes and only burned 38 calories.

Stupid machine.

If I'm huffing and puffing and sweating and cursing I am pretty sure I've burned more than 38 calories.

I finally got to where I was more walking than cautiously stumbling and did so for fifteen minutes, or 0.5 miles.

Yay.

I'm on my way.

Britney Spears, eat your heart out.

If I don't kill myself first.

Ugh.

Paging Dr. Seuss... Please Come Get Your Minions

Living with two 7 month old kittens is akin to living with Thing One and Thing Two.

Stay with me here.

They sleep all day and when ten p.m. rolls around, it's like someone went and smashed Pandora's Box. All of Hades breaks loose.

There is racing, running, meowing, growling, claws, kicking, biting, and other fur-flying madness.

I wouldn't mind except... they involve anything or anyone they happen to roll by.

Including humans.

Mostly me.

I don't like two cats razing my room, knocking crap over while I'm trying to sleep.

But as soon as the sun starts to peek over the horizon... the Things curl up all nice and cute like on the couch and fall asleep.

I LOVE walking by and harassing them, just to keep them on their toes.

Oh, and note to Things: When I whip my bra around to put it on is NOT the opportune time to attack.

I hope your tail grows back soon.

Black Friday

It's been a while since I posted last! Wow! I've been busy being... in a funk. A funk of laziness, wow-it-just-hit-me-that-my-husband-is-away, and Christmas.

Good old Christmas.

But that's another post for another day!

Black Friday was a couple of weeks ago, and my MIL and I decided to brave the weather and see what kind of deals we could get. The Wal-Mart here opened at 5 a.m., so at 4:30 we crawled out of bed. ALMOST decided not to go. ALMOST decided not to stay when we saw the line! In true shopaholic trait, we stood in the icy wind for twenty harsh minutes to buy....

1. a new printer for $29.

2. four sets of pajamas for the kids for $4 each. (I tried explaining to my MIL that there was a reason blankets were invented, so we wouldn't have the need to spend money on THIRTEEN MATCHING PAJAMA OUTFITS.

3. toys. Just a few really good deals, like the Pixos for $10 and the Cupcake maker for $15.

4. a roaster for $7.

5. two 30 piece food storage containers for $7 each.

I felt sorry for those people who elbowed their way for one of the two digital cameras, flat screen t.v.'s or laptops. Sigh. Some people are just die-hard fans.

Then we went by and got donuts, went home and fell asleep. Whew.