One Fish, Two Fish, Black Fish, No Blue Fish

I must have had one of those brain farts that lasted for a few days again.
We are now the proud owners of two black Moors, two goldfish, a sucker fish and a crab.
How do I get myself into these situations?
So we take them home and set up their aquarium, complete with a bajillion ceramic decorations and numerous plastic plants. (I think the fish are still in there, it's kinda hard to tell.)
Lily named her goldfish Roselle, Caleb names his Fishy Fish, the sucker fish becomes Sucky and the crab, Mr. Crabs. I'm still laughing.
I named my two Moors Friskies and Fancy Feast. I liked Alley Cat and Iams but I figured since they have a lot of energy (frisky) and are kinda fancy looking, those would do better. ("Wal-Mart Off-Brand" was kind of a mouthful.)
And I guess I jinxed them.
Upon arrival of the swimming delicacies, Phoebe takes immediate notice. She watches us as we put everything together and put them into the water. The most interesting to her is Mr. Crabs, because he tends to climb the filter tube to make feeble escape attempts. I could SEE her mind reeling.
So the fish were safe because Phoebe hates water, as most cats do.
Woe is the crab.
Being the responsible pet owner, I Googled the species we had purchased to better educate myself. It turns out fiddler crabs actually are saltwater creatures that need access to water as well as a "dry dock." Sigh.
We all went to bed, I having decided to transfer Mr. Crabs into another fishbowl to better his living conditions. But when I woke up this morning, I was informed that Mr. Crabs was missing.
Apparently, my father-in-law had decided to take the crab out, put him in a plastic bowl, and cover it with a dishtowel. ???
And this morning it was gone.
Needless to say, the kids were HORRIFIED.
I wasn't present upon their discovery (I was busy buying a replacement crab), but I heard the screams over the phone.
The new crab has been named Mr. Crabs 2.
Although I like Purina 2 better.
(Get it? Purina 1? Purina 2?)


Bowling with the B's

Or, "How My Four Year Old Completely Beats Me Every Time We Go Bowling."
I love the way my kids bowl.
It's hilarious.
Caleb makes a running start, stops suddenly, pulls the ball to one side and tosses it sideways, where it zig-zags down the lane and MAKES A STRIKE.
"I got them all down Mom! How come you never do?"
Lily's technique changes a little every time. Sometimes it zig-zags like Caleb, other times it rolls so slowly I wonder if it will ever make it to the pins... and still other times she bounces it off the bumpers and into the neighboring lane.
Graceful, just like her mother.


Aaron: 114

Kevin: uh... 70ish

Caleb: 97

Lily: 94

Me: *cough* 42 *cough, cough*

Yeah. I was actually enlisting the kids to help raise my score, to the amusement of my fellow bowlers. I think my game would improve awesomely if I could have bumpers like the kids do.

Quarter Century Years Old

So on the 22nd I turned 25. Woo wee! How did I celebrate?
I got lightly wasted with fabulous friends!!
And by "lightly," I mean "heavily toasted and buttered."
And by "fabulous," I mean "awesome friends who are a blast to stumble out of a bar with... especially when they catch you after tripping over a curb."

Favorite Quotes of the Evening:

"How can such a beautiful girl take such HORRIBLE pictures?"
-- Wheat
"People think that because I have a psychology major I want to sit around and analyze them. I'm like, screw you!!" -- Tasha
"You wouldn't look quite so charming without your front teeth, I don't suppose."
-- Aaron
"I read your blog!!" -- Mikel
"I hate relationships." -- Taryn
"So like, I'm not kicking you out of my house... but I'm gonna go to bed. Lock the door on your way out." -- someone whose name started with a "J"

Partying with classmates and new friends is something I need to do more often. Like, weekly. But for shiz, I'm getting a tad old for this.
Or my six years of being sober has significantly lowered my tolerance level.
One of the two.

P.S. I want some of those pictures Mikel!!

Weekly Weigh-In 10

I laugh as I type "weekly." So funny.

Weigh-In: 215

Lost: 14

To Go: 36

Deadline: 49 days.


Weekly Weigh-In 9

I will flip my top if by next wek I have not lost at least half a pound.
Stagnation sucks.

Weigh-In: 217

Lost: 12

To Go: 38


Happy Mother's Day!

A little early, but hey at least I didn't forget!
One thing I love about my kids being in school is the projects they make when a holiday rolls around. This Mother's Day I received zinnias, a handmade sunflower, a poem book, and two fill-in-the-blank worksheets about me. I like these, particularly because you never know what to expect. The capital letters are their fill-ins....

My Special Mother
by Lily

My mother is the most wonderful mom in the world! She's as pretty as A ANGEL and she's a AWESOME cook.
She loves to READ.
Her favorite animal is KITTEN and her favorite food is CHOCOLATE, and her favorite color is RAINBOW.
She likes to PLAY WITH ME when she has time and she is crazy about HUGE STUFF.
In the old days when Mom was little, she liked to PLAY.
I think Mom looks funny when she DOES FUNNY FACES.
I know she's really mad when she HAS TO MAKE ME FOOD.
I wish Mom would BE with me every day!
I wouldn't trade my mom for TWO MILLION DOLLARS.

Okay, WTH happened here?! I spend all day in their presence, playing with them even more now that I've upped my meds; I only get upset when she asks for a snack at ten p.m.; and I'm crazy about huge stuff?! What's worse is she wouldn't explain it!!

My Mom is Amazing
by Caleb

My mom is amazing!
When I'm sick she makes me feel better by GIVING ME MEDICINE, and when I am sad she cheers me up by TAKING ME SOMEWHERE.
My mom can be really funny. One time she really made me laugh when she TICKLED ME.
My mom is a SUPER cook. I like it when she makes me PIZZA and SPAGHETTI.
My mom does so many things. When I get home from school she usually JUMPS ON THE TRAMPOLINE WITH ME.
I like to help her CLEAN and PLANT THE GARDEN.
I love to watch my mom MOP THE FLOOR.
One day I hope she'll teach me how to DO A BACK FLIP ON THE TRAMPOLINE.
My mom is really special to me. I love her most because SHE READS BOOKS TO ME.
Happy Mother's Day!

SEE, I TOLD YOU. I jump on the trampoline, read them books, instigate tickle fights and apparently look funny when I mop. Tough luck on the whole back flip thing, though. Sorry kids! Elephants don't do flips.


Weekly Weigh-In 8

The dieting I can actually live with.
Heavenly Father, please give me strength.

Weigh-In: 216

Lost: 13

To Go: 37


Not in the Entertainment Business for a Reason

I have come to the conclusion that I am not a very entertaining person... at least by two-year-old standards. Case in point: babysitting my nephew.
Now I like kids, especially my own and my nephews. I am always learning about them either through school or personal experience, of which PE is more fun, frustrating and messy. But with some kids (ok, just one so far), it takes a little work to master the whole "just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I'm an alien" thing.
Which is the PRECISE look he gives me sometimes:

A little disheartening, eh? But after a few days together I think I've kind of figured out how he "works," and it's because he's really smart. No, really. Our day kind of goes like this.....

"Hey Zayden! How are you?"
"What have you been doing?"
-- I cannot believe this. --
"What have you been doing, Zayden?"
-- Are you serious? The baby voice? I'm not one, you know. --
"Do you want to go to the toy room?"
-ever so slight nod of the head--
--walk, walk--
"What do you want to play with?"
-- Leave me alone. --
"Are you still sleepy?"
--slight shake of the head--
"Okay. Do you want to see the new toy Lily got?"
-- NOT interested. --
--mutual staring--
-- Slacker. Think quicker. --
"Do you want to color?"
-- Finally, a novel idea. --
--color, color--
"Hey Zayden, do you know what this is? It's you're name!"
-- Oh. My. Gosh. DUH. --
"See, Z,A,Y,D,E,N!!"
-- What do you want, a golden star? Leave me to my work, please. --


"I hungry."
"You're hungry? Okay! What do you want to eat?"
-- sigh --
"Uh huh."
"Well we're going to eat some lunch, then we can have candy okay?"
-- If I were as tall as I am smart, you'd have a bigger problem than you do now. --
"Do you like Spaghetti-O's?"
-- NO. --
"How about a sandwich?"
-- sigh --
"What about a bowl of cereal?"
-- I would LIKE what I asked for in the FIRST PLACE. --
"Okay... Goldfish?"
-- Heck yeah, now you're talkin'!! --


"Hey Zayden, do you want to watch cartoons?"
-- I thought two other kids lived here as well. --
"We could watch SpongeBob..."
-- They must still be at school. --
"... or we could watch Scooby-Doo..."
-- I hope they come home soon. --
"... or how about Dora?"
-- PLEASE. Come home soon. --


"Look Zayden, Lily and Caleb are home!"

--blissfully playing with my kids--
"Hey guys, who wants green juice?"
-- You're still here? Geez. --
"ME!!" "ME!!"
-- Oh, I suppose... --

But I am happy to report that things have gotten a lot better. I think. At least he talks to me, smiles and laughs now. I still think he questions my competence quite frequently.

"Zayden, do you need to be changed?"
-- Well, I am HOPING it wasn't YOU. --