The Proof, I Tell You!

I have had a long-standing suspicion that time travels slower while one is exercising.
I recently found PROOF of this phenomenon.
The time was 2:08 p.m. on my phone.
I then set the phone down and immediately started my 25 minute workout (timed on my treadmill). Which would have me ending at 2:33 p.m., correct?
When I picked up my phone, it read 2:31!!!
Where did those two minutes go??!!!!
I want an explanation.

Weekly Weigh-In 6

I might maybe kinda be starting to sort of like exercising.

Weigh-In: 218

Lost: 12

To Go: 38

Softball: Enjoy Responsibly

There comes a time in every young girl's life when the opportunity to play sports presents itself; to teach you responsibility, accountability, teamwork, and the joy of physical exertion.
I told it to eff off.
Lily said "Bring it on!!"
I carefully explained to her the consequences of (Mommy paying $50 for her to play and then her getting tired of it and wanting to quit) being on a team, that others depended on you (and your lazy Mom to haul herself off the couch) to show up for every practice and every game. I also explained to her that this was a commitment (of monetary proportions) that I would (grudgingly on Saturday mornings) hold her to. She was all head-nodding and "Yup!" "Uh huh!" "Sure!"
So, I signed her up and took her to her first practice.
Which I have since likened to military Live Round Training.
You get a gaggle of seven year old girls together and give them softballs and bats, someone is going to suffer.
Namely, the parents sitting on the sidelines yelling "Incoming!!" and "Whoa!!"
What is it about the female physique that necessitates the "princess throw" and the "flower child" run? Oh, and who's coaching?
Two men in their thirties.
They do have a female assistant coach to help them out when the players seem unable to comprehend statements like "You gotta hustle, girls! Gotta pull 'em together and get it done!!" because naturally little girls are thinking, "Hustle...bustle? Like a dress? Oohh, a dress!" and "What are we pulling and where? I thought we were playing softball...."
Oh and here I am trying to help Lily by practicing at home, only I didn't do any sort of sports ever so my throws don't look nice and tidy like her coaches' do: "Mom! I'm over HERE!!"
Sigh. The blind leading the blind.

Letter To My Cat 2

Dear Phoebe,
I just have one question.
Do you believe this relationship is mutually beneficial?
Just a thought....

Make sure you have food and water daily
Clean out your horrid messes from the litter box
Risk life and limb to administer hairball medicine
Comb your unruly fur
Toss small objects for you to chase
Pet you when YOU feel like it
Let you in and out of the house 72 times a day
Share my cereal milk in the mornings

and You:
..... grace me with your presence?

The Hand That Feeds You


Weekly Weigh-In 5

Losing weight sucks!!
Especially when you're at a plateau and can't get off!!

Weigh-In: 219.999

Lost: 10.001

To Go: 39.999

(Add them up. I dare you.)


Weekly Weigh In (I Lost Count)

Okay so I haven't had a weekly weigh in for like, two weeks. That's because I am ashamed to admit that I fell off the wagon. Or should I say the treadmill? Yeah. But I'm back on it now, sweating my self to death and yet I am STILL at 220.

Lost: 10

To Go: 40

Is it just me or is everything a lot more expensive than it should be? Am I too frugal not to pay $10 for a shirt? Or $35 for jeans? Or $50 for shoes? This topic came up when my Mom mentioned she hadn't bought new winter shoes this year. I was like, what? You have different shoes for each season? That doesn't make any sense! Sneakers for summer, sneakers for winter, flip-flops for lazy, sandals for dressy. I will admit that I have more than four pairs of shoes, but only because they were either given to me or cost less than $5. Seriously. I'm so frugal I balk at paying 42 cents for a stamp.
I don't mind paying what I consider big bucks for certain things. For example, I paid $300 for the treadmill because I consider it an investment in my health. I also pay $18 for Olay facial moisturizer because it keeps my acne away and one bottle lasts for two months. I'll call that an investment in younger skin when I get older. I let James buy his body building supplements because it has benefits for me as well. Those are the only things I can think of at the moment!

A recent headline on Yahoo stated that people with higher IQ's live longer. Um... duh. Why do you think I don't go play in traffic? Good grief.


Birthdays, Boys, and Blasted Spring Break


Yup, today Recon has turned three!! Woo hoo! Someone send me a present!
To mark this momentous occasion, I have composed what I call:

Reconsidering Sanity in One Paragraph.

Girl has kid. Girl gets married. Girl has another kid. Husband joins National Guard. Husband goes to Egypt. Girl goes crazy. Girl starts blog. Girl tries to lose weight, throws out back. Brother graduates from Navy boot camp. Girl almost dies from pulmonary embolism. Girl's sister is cranky. Girl's mother is loopy in a fun way. Brother marries and has a nephew!! The He-Child poops. The She-Child starts school. Husband returns. Girl and family move far away. Husband gets a job requiring frequent four day absences. Girl goes more crazy. Girl keeps blogging. He-Child poops some more. Girl has many crazy nights with crazy friend Melissa and kids. Husband returns. Girl and family move back where they came from. Girl blogs more about loopy mother. Husband goes to Iraq. Girl goes almost off kilter-nuts. She-Child continues school, He-Child starts school and FINALLY poops in appropriate places. Girl starts college courses. Girl retries weight loss and succeeds... so far. Girl blogs more. Brother goes to Italy, sister chooses a waitressing career. Brother has another nephew!! Husband gets to take leave two months early! Girl is content.

Whew. I hope I didn't leave anything out!

Lily has just lost her two front teeth! She looks so cute! She has also informed me in a polite way that I am not cool. I can't remember how the conversation went exactly, but it involved a lot of pauses, ignoring my question and sideways glances.


Why is it that whenever I enter a store someone ALWAYS assumes I work there? I swear, I can't wear blue to Wal-Mart. I don't mind reaching for something on the top shelf for someone else, but when people start complaining to me about their favorite brand going up in price or that the newest movie isn't in stock, I draw the line. Do I LOOK like your average menial wage worker? I guess I know my way around Wal-Mart and Dollar General too well.


Spring break is next week. JOY. So far I've thought up of a movie day, a park day, a picnic with Granny day, a skating day, and a shove the kids outside and lock the door day. Oh, and I let the kids bother Mimi all day day.



First Grade Drama

Good grief.
It's starting already.
Today Lily came home and said that her and Sierra weren't friends any more. She says Sierra accused her of making "love signs" to Fernando behind her back. Lily INSISTS she didn't. So the friendship is null and void.
Until tomorrow I'm sure.
I don't know what it is about dating and marriage that Lily gets so defensive about. In kindergarten she was all about having a boyfriend, but now she isn't. Which is fine with me. But I still wonder. She actually gets hostile when we tease her about growing older and dating someone. Lily said to me that she doesn't want a boyfriend because she doesn't want a husband because she doesn't want children. When I told her that you could have a boyfriend and even a husband without having children, she became very interested. She didn't ask how (thank you Jesus), but it piqued her interests. Then I asked her if she was going to be a nun.

"What's a nun?"
"She's a woman who loves God and serves Him, and doesn't get married or have kids."
"Huh. But can you be a nun and a veterinarian?"
"I'm sure you can."
"And what about a cook? Can I nun be a cook?"
"Yes, a veterinarian nun cook sounds like a good deal."
"Well... okay."

Lately the kids' "big thing" has been fishing. They cycle through interests just like they're Daddy! So a couple of days ago I walk through the kitchen... and stop. And do a rewind. Sitting on the table is a spittoon with several minnows and nasty river water in it. GREAT. When I place them outside on the porch my kids have a heyday.

"MOM! Those are for Phoebe!"
"Yeah we're gonna give them to her on her food in her food bowl when they DIE!"
"Yeah and they're gonna DIE SOON!"
"Well, dying fish don't belong on the kitchen table."
"But they won't be there long!"
"It doesn't matter. They can't be on there."
"Is that a rule?"
"In the book?"
"It sure is."
Glad they didn't ask for a page number.

The He-child has gotten better about pooping now that he's getting paid to do it. Sigh. Six poos gets him a whole quarter. Woo hoo!!

I am getting conflicting results from my children regarding my weight loss, which is still at 220 by the way. Lily tells me, "Wow! You're like, not getting fat any more!" while Caleb comments that "I could ride a sheep, but you would have to ride a cow because you butt would KILL the sheep." At least he didn't say I would have to ride a dinosaur. And what's up with my kids obsession with death lately? Everything is dying, dead or coming back to life. They can't seem to understand why I don't exactly enjoy them running down the isle at Wal-Mart screaming, "GET BACK HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU!!"


Nephews are the Best!!

Time for a picture update!!
First up, Zayden playing in the snow... I love it!!

Another one of Zayden... can we say Vogue?

Here is the newest of the bunch, Kashdon!!!

Note to Self : Blog More

You would not believe it.
Since my last post there has been a house fire, a tornado, a giant three eyed monster attack, malaria outbreak, computer crash, skydiving adventure and a loss of twenty pounds.
Not really.
But I tried to give you a good excuse for not blogging more. Weren't you wondering at least a little?

Actually I have been struggling to keep an interest in my school work, dragging myself onto the treadmill, forcing my children to gag down cough syrup every four hours, playing Instant Messaging Tag with my husband, mindlessly rooting around on My Space and sleeping.
I did clean out the car this week though. Vacuuming and everything! I have also made it to all of my Bible studies... though none of the actual church services.
I love my kids, but good grief they are annoying when they're sick!! Lily isn't so bad, she just mopes around and watches T.V. Occasionally she requests water or a sandwich.

Caleb, on the other hand...
He walks around the house whining about absolutely anything that enters his mind, from taking medicine to Sponge Bob not being on. He demands water, juice, a jelly sandwich, take out chicken strips and soup, all of which is flippantly rejected upon delivery. He throws a fit when I try to get him to blow his nose, complains about his clothes being dirty and wonders aloud why I am so terribly mean to him.

Excuse me??
Who shared her body, food and oxygen with you for ten months?
Who pushed your big old head through a seven inch hole?
Who hunted down countless pacifiers in the dark while you wailed?
Who changed those awful diapers whose consistency was a strange stage between solid and liquid?
Who rinses out your underwear when you have an accident?
Who doesn't even gag while cleaning up your puke?
Who lets you use HER computer?
Who answers all of your questions, no matter how unanswerable? ("Mom, how did God make shark teeth so sharp?")
Ah, but I get paid in big hugs. Not hourly, but often enough.

It's a sad day when you resort to paying your children to take their medicine.
They both have a dry-erase chart on which they place a check for each medicine taken. When all six squares are checked, they receive a quarter.
And here I thought this would be simple!

The Rules For The Chart:
1. A vitamin and a chewable pill count as ONE medicine.
2. Liquid medicines are counted separately, with a three count maximum.
3. There is a two quarter a day maximum.
4. Two dimes and one nickel equals a quarter.
5. Five nickels equals a quarter.
6. A handful of pennies equals a quarter.
7. Quarters from Nana's purse count as payment, even though they are technically Nana's.
8. Mom reserves the right to issue an IOU.
9. Once six quarters are earned, Mom is allowed to make change with her dollar bills.
10. Mom reserves the right to FREAKING TEAR UP THE CHARTS IF SHE WANTS TO.

Good grief.

My grandfather told me the other day he was talking to someone in Missouri or Minnesota or Timbukktu who reads my blog. YAY!! Thank you!! Spread the word!!