Penis Perils

My first child was female. No problem. I'm female, so I've had some experience in this field. Five years later, so far so good. My second child is male. Hrmm. Some differences, but not many. Shouldn't be too hard, right? Well, we got through the trial and error of circumcision (note to new parents: vaseline does keep the skin from sticking to the diaper, but also makes the diaper waterproof. Translation: pee all over the baby and his sheets, or whoever he's laying on). After that it was smooth sailing. Now we're in year three: potty training and the discovery of his flappy, apparently indestructable appendage. I swear, it has been through yanking, twisting, crunching, thumping and pinching. Does it have nerve endings? I guess not. I have also discovered, like their grown up counterparts, boys' appendages need very little stimulation to go from flappy to not flappy anymore. Seriously, try changing a diaper and wiping poo off the thing. You can't get it down.
The other day I had spiderman "panties" on him (hey, when you live with two girls you have to adopt their language), trying to get him to enertain the thought of pottying. I found him sitting on the couch, appendage exposed, with him hammering it with his toy hammer. And of course, the appendage was not in its natural state. Hrmm.
"Caleb! Don't do that!"
"Because you'll hurt yourself. Come here."
As I am trying to replace appendage in it's cloth cage, he starts banging on it again.
"Caleb, I said stop."
"I try get it down!"
Here's where I start rolling over laughing, while trying to think of something to counter that comment with. What a witty observation!
"Just leave it alone and it will go away," I try, but it makes me laugh and he doesn't seem to understand. So I go get a diaper. The old "out of sight, out of mind" always does the trick. Do all little boys do this? Do they just grow out of it? Will he be in diapers until high school? Maybe I'll keep one on him even then....


Jury Duty

This was so funny I just had to blog it.
For the newcomers here, my husband James is deployed overseas. Today he told me he got a summons for jury duty here in town. I was dumbfounded. I asked him if there was one of those "forwarded" yellow stickers on the envelope that the post office sticks on there. Nope. Then I started to laugh. The people from "The Greatest Little Town In Texas" sent a jury summons to a soldier at an APO address, complete with troop name and division number. The address has six lines. Isn't that a little LONG for someone who lives in state? Did they not notice that? "Hey Bob, you ever been to APO Texas? Me neither!" So now I have to take time out of my busy schedule to go to the courthouse and give them a copy of his deployment orders to prove that he is overseas waay past August 28th. Good grief.
My final question is, how did they get his address? I didn't give that to the post office. Is it connected with his social security number? Wow that makes me feel all warm and toasty inside, knowing anyone could pull up his SSN and find out where he and his fellow soldiers are stationed!! Good grief.
In other news, Lily has started school and she loves it! I do too. She told me today I had a "bless you" problem because I was sneezing so much. Say it with me: awwww.


I Need A Vacation

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am back! (silence) I realize I have been gone for a while, and I apologize. (more silence) Oh, sorry. I forgot I have a limited audience. (my mom) ANYWAY I have been busy moving into an apartment and spending time with James on his two week siesta from being overseas. And fighting with Verizon about my DSL not being turned on. I am really getting annoyed with major corporations!! "Yeah, it'll be turned on tomorrow..... wait, Tuesday.... what was your account number again ma'am?" Grrr.
Remember when I told ya'll that sleeping with Caleb was like sleeping with a big sweaty gorilla? Well, sleeping with my sister is like sleeping with a big sweaty PISSED OFF gorilla. I swear I have bruises from where she kicks me. She screams too. I think she's why I twitch. I am still used to James being where she is, so sometimes I forget and lay a leg over her. She freaks out! "GET OFFA ME!!!!" Kicking and stuff, geesh. She claims she doesn't remember any of it. Yeah right.
Lily starts school on Wednesday. Believe me I have been counting this one down since year one. ("They have to be 4 to start school? Darn. I guess I'll be back in three years. Can I go ahead and pre-register her?") Now the count down for #2 begins.....
My cat is in heat and she's driving me insane. You know those really annoying noises cats make when they go into heat. I can't even describe it! Only my cat has an unusual talent: she can roll her tounge. Seriously! Like when you speak Spanish rolling of the tounge. My co-worker suggested speaking Spanish to her...... um, ok. So I've been talking but she thinks I'm an idiot for saying "please" and "thank you" and the names of fruits all the time.