X-ray Mishap

I hurt my back again, surprise suprise. Shooting pains, you know. So I went to the doctor, and I don't think he was certified. It was a different doc from the one I had seen before. He didn't exactly tell me what was wrong, just gave me meds and set me up with physical rehab, which is okay cause that's what I wanted. Gimme pills!! Yeah!! Then he sent me off to get some x-rays done. Cool. So the guy tells me to take off my shirt and bra and put on one of those high dollar, extra luxuriant blue paper robes. Man I felt sexy in that. As I undressed, I realized that two of my piercings were going to be in the way of the x-ray rays (??). While I won't tell you what body parts I am speaking of, I will tell you that there are two and they are at chest level.
So, crap, I gotta get these out. Let me explain how this piece of jewelry works..... The above is a picture of a captive bead ring, commonly used for such piercings as I have. On the bead are two teeny tiny indentions that you have to magically line up with the ring for it to snap into place and stay put via tension. Changing them takes about, oh, an hour. And I have five minutes to remove them before the technician gets suspicious.
First I try to pull the ends apart to release the ball. No go. So I apply more muscle, and one hand slips, jerking my body part sideways under my armpit. OUCH. Don't want to do that again. Then I try to pull one side up while pushing the other side down, bending the metal slightly and releasing the ball, because now I don't care if they break or warp while I get them off cause this stuff HURTS. That method doesn't work either, though my hands didn't slip. WHEW. Then I try to wedge my tooth inbetween the ball and ring. Yes, I had my body part up to my mouth and yes I did look funny, and no it didn't work. Now my body parts are aching and probably almost bleeding, and the tech is knocking on the door saying I don't have to disrobe completely, all I need is my bra and shirt off. Grrr.
I finally get them off by using a credit card instead of my teeth to pop the stupid stinking little ball out of it's socket. I walk out holding my parts and after signing a waiver stating I AM DEFINATELY AND TO MY KNOWLEDGE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NOT PREGNANT, I am contorted and twisted and zapped and finally released back into the world. Uuuuggghhhh.
(Photo borrowed from www.bodyartforms.com)

1 comment:

Jeremy said...

Ouch!! This is why I have no piercings at all. Save the 5 large safety pins I tucked into my butthole. You never know.