Dietician Disaster

I'm tired of being fat. So I went to see a dietician, because obviously my diet of blizzards and fries isn't working. Plus, it's free (thank you Tricare). So here I go. My daughter was in school but I had to take Caleb, which was going okay until he realized I was going to be talking for a LONG time (more than 3 minutes). So he starts getting ancy and the diet guy goes and gets a chair that spins, and it has wheels! Kudos! So I put Caleb in it and away he spins.
About ten minutes of non-stop spinning later Caleb gets up, comes to me and BUUUULLLLHHHH all over this guy's carpet. Chocolate milk and pop tarts everywhere. Lovely.
Can someone explain to me WHY children move from place to place while they throw up?? Do they like running and puking at the same time? They obviously don't understand the concept that staying in one place while upchucking makes only one spot to clean, and not four or five.
So here Caleb is, hurling on the floor and moving from spot to spot between heaves. I think I counted four puddles and two streaks, where he hurled in mid-walk. This gets grosser and grosser! As I grab a trash can and try to corner Caleb (which only makes him run faster and vomit more) the diet guy is being no help at all, just sitting there watching the show. When Caleb was done, you know what he said?
"Do you think he needs a glass of water?"
What?? The kid just got done throwing up everywhere! Do you need one more puddle to make the stains symmetrical? Do you like seeing kids puke? What kind of freak are you? In the end it turns out he has a two year old so he's kinda used to the unexpected happening and he was totally understanding. Except for the water thing, good grief!
Now I remember why I get a babysitter for my appointments.

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