They Call This Wise?

If you are even remotely familiar with the military and it's procedures/policies, you will know that they require every adult over the age of 18 affiliated thereof to have their wisdom teeth removed if they will be stationed abroad. Why? I have no idea. They say it's to avoid complications later on down the road. I think they just like to make us do it.

Guess who is affiliated with the military?
Guess who may be living abroad within the next year or so?
Guess who is less than six months from the "cut off" age for removing wisdom teeth because the jaw tends to not grow back properly?
Guess who got really bored last Monday and said screw it, let's get this over with?
That would be me.

So I meander over to the teeth ripper outer dude and he discovers that I have an extra wisdom tooth hiding around on the upper left side. I knew I had two, I was just confident that they were the only ones I had. X-rays have come a long way. Apparently my regular dentist doesn't use those new-finagled contraptions. GREAT.

The next week I come in, mother-in-law in tow, for what I figure would be a gruesome, bloody tug-of-war with an elderly dentist. I have so many great things going on now-a-days. I sit back and he starts an IV and pretty soon I'm watching some green blob on the ceiling morphing into different shapes. Maybe it was the nurse. Who knows.

The next thing I remember I am being escorted to the car and driven home. Actually, I was such a trooper we stopped by Wal-Mart before heading home. I can't remember what I bought. Something unnecessary, I'm sure.

Then the pain started to kick in. It wasn't too bad until the ginormous ibuprofen stopped effectively paralyzing my jaw. Then I had to move on to Vicodin (poor me). Only for two days though (sigh). I managed to pry my mouth open to look at the crater on the bottom and was surprised to see actual jaw bone growing together. Cool!!

I brought the teeth home to show the kids. They looked like Pops cereal pieces. Seriously. Those suckers were huge, with tree roots! The kids liked them, though they were disappointed upon the realization that they couldn't take them to school to show their friends. ("But MOM. I will keep them a SECRET. PROMISE.") Now I have to decide what to do with them. Keep them for DNA extraction just in case? Sell them to a voodoo shop? Make a necklace?
I guess they'll just sit on my dresser for now. I just can't bring myself to throw them away.

Oh, one last little bit:
Guess which military couple decided to request stateside instead of overseas assignments, thus rendering the whole surgery utterly without purpose?
That would be us.

No comments: