Lessons from Babysitting 2- Typical Schedule

8:30 -- Acquire child

8:30-9:00 -- Feed child 2 pieces of buttered toast

9:00-11:00 -- Keep child out of the candy, buttons, bottled water, sodas, baskets, Betta fish, fish food, framed photos, refrigerator, cleaning supply cabinet, paper towels, toilet, regular towels, potpourri, candles, candle holders, scissors, trash can, nail files and newspaper.

11:00-1:00 -- Leave Granny's. Give child cup of milk, change eighth diaper and lay down for a nap. Clean up leaked milk. Check email. Exercise. Shower in record time. Blog.

1:00-2:45 -- Feed child Goldfish, mac and cheese, fish sticks and peanut butter. Keep child out of dumb bells, socks, dirty laundry, make up, toothpaste, sidewalk chalk, scooters, Cheetos found on the floor, mixer, checkers, recycling bin, crayons and purse.

2:45-3:15 -- Pick up older kids. Go to park. Keep child from killing himself on the teeter totter. Keep older children from killing him with "How high can he go?" experiment.

3:15-5:30 -- Return home. Mediate fights between children over who stinks. Try to entice child with rubber duck to keep him from in front of the t.v., which makes one or more children scream. Welcome home husband with a "Your turn, I gotta pee." Attempt to pick up living room. Find missing yogurt container behind t.v. Change 112th diaper. Clothe child in original outfit, which was disregarded after 58th diaper.

5:38 -- Return child to mother. Talk for a bit. Give gift of cabinet locks.

5:52 -- Glare at husband when asked, "So honey, what's for dinner?"

For better or for WORSE, for better or for WORSE.....

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