Reusable WHAT?!!

Another late-night internet surf led me to a site that sells, get this, reusable pads and tampons.
I'm so not kidding.
Apparently, for $12 you can get a flannel/cotton "holder" that has a nifty snap to wrap around the crotch of your panties. It has insertable pads made of cotton that you replace when they get "full" (I know it's so gross!). Apparently you are supposed to replace the inserts and not necessarily the holder, which makes me cringe. You can also buy "pad-panties," which are panties with a pad woven into the crotch. You just replce your underwear when you need to. They come in a variety of patterns, including leopard print. Woo hoo!
Now what gets me is that you have to wash them. They recommend by hand, so they last longer. They also recommend soaking them in cold water as soon as possible to avoid staining, i.e. throw them in the bathroom sink. Eeewww. I can only imagine James going to use the bathroom and coming out saying something like this:
"Um, babe, you uh, left your "thingies" in the sink, and uh, I don't think I can get them out by myself."
Or what if company came over and you forgot about them?? Aaahhh!!
They also include a matching carrier to store used inserts in if you happen to be out and have to change it. Can you imagine if you got pulled over and searched? The police would think you were going to the bridge to get rid of murder evidence!
Also on their site is two more items I found equally hilarious: reusable tampons and the Divacup (TM, or whatever mark I have to have here to avoid a lawsuit). The reusable tampon is actually a sea sponge harvested off the coast of some far away place. You scrunch it up and stick it in, easy as pie. About every three hours, you remove it and hold it under running water to clean it. Then you scrunch and stuff again. I wonder what you'd do if you were out and about and had to "empty" it? (I didn't see a carrier for the used tampons.)
"Hey Taryn, can you rinse this for me? Please? Come on, you have periods too. We're both women! Pleeeease?? Are you still there? TARYN! I need my tampon cleaned!!"
Now that's a close relative.
I don't think I could bring myself to use one of them, I mean I do watch SpongeBob..... it just wouldn't feel right....
And now for the Divacup. It is, literally, a coned cup that you encircle your cervix with to catch "menstrual products." Then you empty it when you think it's full.
First off, the picture shows this cup-cone in this girls' hand, and it is about as big as her palm! Both long and wide!! And it has a "stem" which is used to retrieve the cone-cup that is so long it looks as if you'd cut your labia when you sat down. Several commentors say you can't feel it at all, but come on people! You can't fool me! There is no way you can stick a Dixie cup up there and NOT feel it!!
Second, you're supposed to insert it so that it makes a suction on your cervix to keep it from coming out. You break the seal by pinching the stem. Ever been in a hurry and yanked a tampon out too quick? Can you imagine jerking your whole cervix out into the toilet? Yeah, no thanks.
Third, it's another one of those rinse-and-reuse products.
"Taryn! Can you dump my cup for me?"
Fourth, I ick when I see vast amounts of blood. I just could not dump a cupful in the toilet and not hurl.
And, to top it off, it has the word "diva" in it!! I just know I would feel super-sexy and powerful with a bucket in my vagina!
Their reasoning is that using the products saves money, which I guess it would because the products are supposed to last for years, and using them helps them appreciate their bodies' natural functions and knowing they're saving the world and not introducing "harsh, abraisive" compounds into their "divas." I don't know about you, but I don't appreciate this particular natural function. It's a pain and I can't wait for menopause. And Tampax has been good to me so far, so y'all can just keep that other crap!!

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