I Need A Tonic To Go With My Gyn, Please

Don't you just LOVE those yearly below the waist exams? Who came up with this crap? Ugh. I only do it because... well... I guess they're good for some reason. Anyway I went the other day for my annual and it wasn't really remarkable except for the mirror.
The exam room had a full length mirror in it. Try as I might, it is positioned just so that you HAVE to undress in front of it. How horrifying. Interestingly enough, it is also positioned so that when your gyno is elbow deep in vagina you can see what she is doing. Kind of. From a side view. But you can still see her!!
Ugh. What's up with all that lube? That stuff NEVER comes off you know. I wonder what brand it is, because it SUCKS. I'm bringing my own next time. And why does it smell so funky? I KNOW that's not me. I smelled rosy before I got here. I have a husband you know, one I have to make excuses to because even after five years there's no way I'm offering THAT FUNK for his pleasure.
Why do they have to be so violent with your cervix when they scrape it? There are nerves down there, you know. That evil Q-tip from Hades HURTS, now stop! Why do they need two scrapings? One for the office scrapbook? Then for the mauling of the ovaries and uterus. Stop it!! My gyno told me I have a small uterus. I wish my thighs could take a hint. And why do they try and carry on a normal conversation with you while they palpate your breasts? PLEASE. Just get it over with so I can get dressed in front of your terrible mirror.
Am I the only one who hides their underwear inside the pocket of my shorts just in case my clothes get knocked to the floor?
On a side note, I'm getting an endometrial ablation done on Tuesday. That's where they fry your inner lining so that your harsh periods will stop. Sounds like fun, huh?

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