Okay, so since James and I have been married I have always lamented about my small boobs.
I like most of my body, don't get me wrong, and I LIKE my boobs, I just don't LOVE them.
I think they should go up a cup.
I also have been telling James that when I lose all the weight I want to lose, I would like to pursue breast enhancement. To which he replied with drooling.
Now that I have lost a third of what I want to lose, I Googled that subject.
As it turns out, bigger boob surgery probably will require an upgrade in as little as two years or as many as fifty years. There are also complications, blah blah blah, to having bigger boobs, like unwarranted male attention and winning wet T-shirt contests. Oh, and loss of sensitivity to the nipple area or mass infection requiring a double mastectomy. But only in back alley operations, I assume. I mean this is AMERICA people, we have, like, antibiotics and stuff.
Oh, and you can also pick your boob material. There is the tried and true saline, silicone, double lumen designs that combine the previous two, and ....
the gummy bear implant.
Oh yeah.
Apparently, they are "solid, high-cohesive, form-stable implants" that "largely eliminate the possibility of silicone migration."
WAIT.
If I don't get the procedure done correctly, they can MIGRATE??
Like, where will they go?
Armpit nipple, anyone?
So apparently these implants stay in place, are really life-like, and have a long shelf life.
(Shelf life. Ha ha ha.)
I wonder if they come in red.
James really likes the red ones.
Well, he likes all the flavors. All things gummy, in fact.
I would be the ULTIMATE WIFE if I had gummy bear boobs.
AWESOME.
I wonder if they have bread pudding lips and bean and cornbread butts.
On second thought... maybe not.
I like most of my body, don't get me wrong, and I LIKE my boobs, I just don't LOVE them.
I think they should go up a cup.
I also have been telling James that when I lose all the weight I want to lose, I would like to pursue breast enhancement. To which he replied with drooling.
Now that I have lost a third of what I want to lose, I Googled that subject.
As it turns out, bigger boob surgery probably will require an upgrade in as little as two years or as many as fifty years. There are also complications, blah blah blah, to having bigger boobs, like unwarranted male attention and winning wet T-shirt contests. Oh, and loss of sensitivity to the nipple area or mass infection requiring a double mastectomy. But only in back alley operations, I assume. I mean this is AMERICA people, we have, like, antibiotics and stuff.
Oh, and you can also pick your boob material. There is the tried and true saline, silicone, double lumen designs that combine the previous two, and ....
the gummy bear implant.
Oh yeah.
Apparently, they are "solid, high-cohesive, form-stable implants" that "largely eliminate the possibility of silicone migration."
WAIT.
If I don't get the procedure done correctly, they can MIGRATE??
Like, where will they go?
Armpit nipple, anyone?
So apparently these implants stay in place, are really life-like, and have a long shelf life.
(Shelf life. Ha ha ha.)
I wonder if they come in red.
James really likes the red ones.
Well, he likes all the flavors. All things gummy, in fact.
I would be the ULTIMATE WIFE if I had gummy bear boobs.
AWESOME.
I wonder if they have bread pudding lips and bean and cornbread butts.
On second thought... maybe not.
No comments:
Post a Comment