Adventures with Mimi

I have two children. My daughter, Lily, is four and my son, Caleb, is two. They call my mother "Mimi." Almost every Sunday, she braves the forces of toddler nature and takes them both (!!) to church. This is the stroy of church about three weeks ago.
Caleb was in the nursery, and Mimi and Lily had just settled down in the sanctuary for a nice sermon. They sang, the preacher called all the children to the pulpit for a mini-lesson, he began his adult lesson. About ten minutes into it, which is a record unto itself, Lily becomes bored and sits by Mimi's feet. A few minutes later, Mimi discovers Lily has crawled under the next two pews, gets up, retrieves Lily, and a scolding ensues. Lily pouts.
A little while later she repeats her pew crawling expedition, only she doesn't get as far. She is dragged back to her seat, and everyone in a three foot radius knows she doesn't agree with this arrangement. Another scolding, and Lily sits.
Two minutes later, her attention span timer dings and she is up again, this time walking up the isle to the pulpit. Mimi follows, catches her and leads her back to their seats. Keeping in mind that the sanctuary is deathly silent and the preacher is speaking, the following conversation ensues:
"Mimi, I just want to walk around."
"No, you need to sit with me like a big girl."
"But I will be quiet, I just want to walk around."
" I said no, now be quiet and sit down."
"I SAID, I just want to walk around, I will be a good girl." (stands on pew)
"And I said no, be quiet!"
"Mimi. Just let me walk. I will be good."
"No. Now hush!"
"You will make me CRY!"
"Shut up!" (said in a moment of exasperation)
Lily repeats this line as she is dragged out of the sactuary and to the hall, where she gets out of Mimi's grasp and runs. She gets under a table, and in her haste to get away, knocks it and the fake plant over. Reaching behind it for Lily, Mimi knocks a picture on the wall askew. Lily then rushes under a chair, knocking it aside when Mimi catches her hand. They walk outside, with Mimi lecturing, and Lily escapes again. She runs into the middle of the parking lot, turns around and screams
Now Mimi notices the people standing in their front yard across the street, quietly watching a four year old dressed in wrinkled church clothes yelling at her grandmother, who is equally wrinkled, hair flattened on one side, trying to balance her bible and purse, out of breath trying to catch the three foot Houdini, with visible smoke coming out of her ears and now beet red with embarrassment.
That explains why I am now obligated to attend church with my mother when she takes Lily.

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