Prayers And Other Things

Prayers last night.......
Caleb (covering his eyes): Jesus, thank you for food. Amen.
Lily: Jesus loves the little children, and He gives us food. We're going to get Daddy tomorrow. I hope I get to go to Pa Pa and Nana's house tomorrow. (Mom, stop laughing.) There is food for everyone, and it's cold outside tonight. Jesus is good and kind (Mom! I'm praying! Stop laughing!) and He loves you and me. I like my school and all my friends (MOM!! Stop laughing!) and my teacher. And I mind really well. Jesus Christ, amen.
I was laughing because throughout her whole prayer she was farting! Big girl farts! I know the Lord was giggling too.

Today I went to wipe some spaghetti sauce off Lily's face the old fashioned mom way (spit and thumb) when she noticed my tongue ring and asked me to open my mouth, so I did.
"Oh Mom, that..... that's wonderful!"
Then Caleb came over, and they asked me to take it out. So while I was unscrewing the ring both the kids were sticking their tongues out and chewing them and stuff, like people who move their mouths when you're talking to them. Caleb said "Ewww, a hole!" and Lily said "Wow! Can I stick my finger in there?" It was funny.

Caleb has started taking off his dirty diaper and rubbing the contents on the couch. EEWWW!! Thank goodness we bought leather. I can just wipe it off. But it's still nasty. Mom suggested making him clean it off, which I think would make a bigger mess than it is originally. (Translation: Poop on fingers. Poop on hands. Poop in hair. Poop prints on the wall. Poop on the cat (try catching a poop-covered cat and washing her off.... yeah right). Poop footprints, just for the sake of experimentation. Need I continue?)

I tried waxing my eyebrows with pre-cut, pre-waxed strips, to help me achieve PERFECTLY SHAPED EYEBROWS EVERY TIME, GUARANTEED!!!! So I washed my eyebrows, dried them, applied the top strip, rubbed, and yanked it off. A little sting, not bad. Had to do it three times to get all the hair, but still worked ok. Same with the other side. Then I got to the bottom, you know underneath? I thought I had a pretty high pain tolerance, but I guess not, cause when I ripped off the top layer of my upper eyelid IT HURT. WTF, WHO INVENTED THESE RETCHED THINGS??!!! But I had to do the other one cause I knew I wouldn't be able to pluck the other side and make it match the one I just did. So with a little self-psyching and promises of chocolate, I did it. Thank goodness it got all the hair off in one strip cause I was NOT gonna do that again. I think I'll go back to plucking.

I bought a couple of yoga/Pilate's DVDs at Walmart the other day. I've never done yoga, so I tried it yesterday. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing, like stretching and breathing and meditation? NOOOO. The stretching stuff was ok, though that lady could do some stuff I haven't seen in even the most ancient Kama Sutra books, like stand on the palms f her hands without bending her knees. That's not normal.
"Just reeeeach over and grab your ankles, or calves or wherever you feel comfortable putting your hands...."
How about on my thighs?
"If you can, just laaaay your lower arms and head on the floor and breathe deeply, in and out, nice and relaxed...."
I bet that woman could see her ovaries if she was naked.
But alas, I want to be more flexible and toned, so I will try again on Monday. I don't sweat on weekends, plus James is coming home on a three day pass today, which means he's on poop duty, and I can concentrate on other things, like spending money.

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