Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!!

I was sifting through all the stuff that James accumulated throughout his deployment in Egypt, and I came across some letters that I'd sent him. One started out with the usual "Hey how are you, we're good, the kids are great" stuff. Then I came across these snippets of conversation:
"My vagina emailed me and wanted a loan so she could buy a one way ticket to Egypt. I told her I would have to pull some strings."
"I'm about to die without a cigarette or a candy bar."
"My libido has acquired a spear and declared war. Pray for the troops!!"

"Don't worry, your kids are fine....."
Anyway, on another note isn't it funny how sex changes after you've been married a while? At first the big "trend" was for guys to be able to "go for HOURS." Not after four years. I mean call me weird but after 20 minutes it kinda gets boring (and if you have kids and it's been 20 minutes, you probably better finish up quickly anyway). I like to get done and, uh, STOP. None of this "recoup or warm up for round two" crap. There IS no round two. I'm done. If you're not, well I guess that's why you were born with hands. I want some ice cream and t.v.
Another "trend" was the whole size thing. You know, the bigger the better. Now I'm no fan of the barely-there fellows when it comes to the bedroom (I'm not sorry, get over it), but if he comes at me with a can of Coke or a Sequoia that just ain't gonna fly. Some women have cervices you know.
Yet another "trend" was to introduce new moves to the bedroom scene in the hopes of turning on your partner. After marriage and two kids, if just the fact that he's getting any at all doesn't turn him on then he's got problems. Further, some stuff I am not physically able to do no matter how "tantric" or "mind blowing" it may be. You try to get an elephant to stand on its elbows. Not gonna happen. So forget it.
"Trend" three is the having-sex-four-times-a-day phenomena that disappears after the conception of your first child. I don't care how horny you are, if it's your birthday or our anniversary, after 20 minutes LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'm glad I married a man who understands me and has almost the same needs/wants. I'm sure not many other guys out there would be as tolerable. Poor guy.

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