Beer Can Chicken: A Story From Grandpa

While sittin' here on the porch I've been hearin' a lot about this stuff called “beer can chicken.” Best I can figure a person takes a chicken and sticks a half a can of beer up its ass and precedes to put this thing on a charcoal grill to cook. And that ain't all, they stand the thing upright like it was a king or something. Now anybody knows any self-respecting chicken ain't gonna feel right sittin' on its ass on a beer can in a BBQ grill. It just don't seem natural. And besides that, I can see no reason to waste a half a can of beer by stickin' the thing up a dead chicken's ass. BEEER IS FOR DRINKIN', NOT FOR STICKIN' IT UP A DEAD CHICKEN'S ASS. And that ain't all. Charcoal ain't for cookin' chicken, it's for filtering whiskey. If enough people keep burning the charcoal then what the hell are we gonna filter the whiskey with? Whiskey is more important than chicken anyway. And besides that, any good cooker would get insulted with charcoal in it and a chicken with a beer can stuck up its ass sittin' there like the Pope or something.
In conclusion, we here at the Round Table on the front porch figure if you want good chicken you simply build a good old smokey fire in your cooker and gently lay the chicken in there on its back. Then you go drink a cold beer. When it gets done, my faithful dog LD will let you know. Oh, and the beans must be cooked on the stove. It's real hard to keep them from fallin' through the grill on the BBQ.

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